42 points of Ideals and Terrors

1) Lack of Logic in Desire – Passions so inherently divergent from rational thought. The mind copes as desire explodes. Picking up the pieces in haunting dreams.

2 ) Lines- Ink Blot – Image – Feeling – Memory -> Simple Lines like an ink blot create images – feelings – memories – so much stronger and more complex than the simple blots and lines. This phenomena highlights the capacity of the brain to invent its own stories from the tiniest amounts of information. Just imagine the stories that get invented from the stories people tell us or the charged bits of information we are given.

3) Description of Grips, Bands, Roomates – I love all the unique features of the people that come into my life. Sort of like the spoon river anthology, I’d like to keep an up to date description of the people I work with, live with, and hang with at shows / parties.

4) Satori – Barthes – Surprise -> Zen  but whats da real zen? – Roland Barthes – in the “The Wisdom of Art”  describes Cy Twombly’s art as invoking the zen term Satori which translates as “surprise” – I don't know maybe all art theory seems a little inauthentic and reaching, but I kind of hated this essay and its description of satori. Wikipedia describes Satori like this: “Satori - is a Japanese Buddhist term for awakening, "comprehension; understanding". It is derived from the Japanese verb satoru. In the Zen Buddhist tradition, satori refers to the experience of kenshō, "seeing into one's true nature".” As seen by the god known as Wikipedia, Barthes may not be talking out of his ass but he is at least stretching this word out past its meaning to make some other meaning in writing that also just lacks feeling and authenticity.

5) Never Impressed -> Death – Cept You : Especially in my daily life, I am never impressed. Maybe I am kinda impressed by people that are able to get slightly better than mediocre jobs and the kindness of others, but that feeling of “WOW!” never comes. :/ à Except by all of you of course… ;) and especially not impressed when comparing the powerful impression that DEATH creates compared to the little blips on a giant screen that are the most impressive lives in human history. Its like – “Hey what makes a more powerful impact on you, the terror of death or Albert Einstein’s theory of relativity?” Really there is no competition and no greater power over us than the fear of death / desire to survive.

6) Never Surprised – Life is what it is. The dearth of morals I exhibit really isn’t that surprising nor is anything else.

7) Satisfied – Frank Sinatra à Like Erin à Prom àVirginity à off to College

ideals of Love<--  Romance ßAgeless   à Like Gramma à Basement Dance Parties

This Point is like 19 points – but it all surrounds Frank Sinatra Love and Satisfaction.  First, theres the ideals behind the music of Frank Sinatra which highlight a satisfaction with monogamous romantic love in all its ageless glory. I then give two anecdotes. The first is about my first real monogamous love Erin who I went to prom with, lost my virginity to, and continued to date my freshman year into my sophomore year. There was an agelessness to our senior prom that inspires me to love that moment in time to this day. The prom photos help.

Also that time connects to the story my grandma told me about her friends dancing in their basement to these songs from the who knows when, but obviously from the 20’s to mid 40s would be my guess.

All of this points to the ideals of love which state:

a)    Love involves the romantic events that truly fulfill us.

b)   The emotion of romantic love provides true satisfaction

c)    Loving relationships are the poetry of human interactions. Affection as a deeper human beauty.

8) The Inaccessibility of the Real  à Baudrillard à Does it matter if its so far?

Baudrillard  in “simulacra…” states that the real is so far away from us in this present age and that every thing is more like simulacra of simulations of the real. My point is this: “Who Cares?”

We can rage against the falsity of our age or we can just accept it and not think about it, but also, with so few caring about this issue one has to wonder should the few of us that do care even bother wasting our time. Well…I’ll just say after reading that whole book and really enjoying the part about the falsity of Disney World that Baudrillard is the man and it is important to cut out the bullshit, which is all the fakeness that exists in corporate America and our shitty political system.

9) IE – All ABRSTRACTION – YES, Most don’t care and that’s important -> then What? -> Does it matter?

Anything abstract is so forgotten. Forget blue vs white collar or Smart vs Dumb. The world of abstraction is the world of the .001%. So while it is the life blood of that .001%, its also not necessary to many others existing on a more intuitive level. Also people try to get shit right in their abstract minds while others just see their lives in this world more clearly and settle in to that life and the bullshit that plauges it as a tick settles into something that would likely like to kill it. Kinda like us and nature.

10) Death -> Does it matter?

                 -> its certainty - mainly bores

Just as the love of a steady lover, is accepted and forgotten, so too, is the horrifying terror of death. So then do we make decisions based upon death or love? Or do we make decisions based on more immediate concerns like “will it suck for me tomorrow if I do this?”

11) Sibylle B Best because à more melodically original à more genuine than Bobby D

Obviously she wasn’t as prolific. Nor did she have the intellectual depth or descriptive beauty, but her melodies are haunting as is her vibe in general. Never releasing music on her own that was so amazing. There’s a realness to that. It’s like “These songs are mine and help me. I am content with that. Sorry world. No hard feelings. Much Love, Syblle Baier.”

12) Inability to step Back -> Why? 1) delusion -> No/too much feelings 2) Subj

NYC clouds the mind. Imprisons you in never ending concrete with a couple flimsy tree scattered about. Imprisons you with high rents. Imprisons you with culture that distracts you from your own cultural self. Imprisons you with cultivated personalities challenging and distracting you from your own archetypes to be developed and cared for.

All of this makes stepping back and smelling the roses sunk in your skin so dificil. Hurrying about never able to ask “why don’t I feel worse about being so self obsessed?” “why don’t I feel better about being a genuinely open and available person?”

Lastly, these questions are needed but how can you be sure about the answers when everything is so damn subjective???? I have no answers.

13) What is the whole picture? -> Subj à cant agree on what it is

Subjectivity revisited. So considering its so hard to step back. Take that applied to the idea of the whole picture. The big picture. So close staring at a part of the picture. Stepping back. What does that mean? The whole picture, what is that? What is it composed of? Love, Understanding, Satisfaction, Health, maybe?

14) Nature – Slut, Whore, Maniac

Sluts love nature. Whores make love in nature. Maniacs rub their vaginas all over the soil and stick their pee pees in beehives. At some point you get too close to nature.

15) Minimize the things I hate à the new plan

Pain is pleasure for masochists only. Pure pain should prolly be avoided if its not a whip or paddle. Avoid the terror of terrible people.

16) Meditation – Awareness of touch – do it all the time

Buddhism…meh. Meditation…YEH! Sorry to hate on the Buddhism but meditation needs to be separated from any religion and re-appropriated into the realm of conscious activity where it can be described as a minimal mental effort to recognize mental activity. One form of mental activity is knowing when we are touching something. For example, yo butt on a seat. As long as the mind is split between the bull shit mental droll and this efforting to be simultaneously aware of another mental activity, some form of freedom from that locked in feeling of day to day existence can be had. Escape the tunnel vision.   

17) Dbags fucking w/ you -> They like puppies -> you an old dog

The power of pettiness aside (of that other set of 42 points), recognition of dbag tendencies should be the first bit of wisdom used to help overcome that petty bullshit created by dbags. For real tho, dbags can get to you. One has to be prepared for bullshit because it can be a bit tricky even in its most obviously recognizable forms. Why? Usually its created by those closest to us. I feel like something deeper can be said here, but maybe that’s for like collaboration with some other person.

18) Meditation -> Softens the Horror

“The horror”… in a cute way tho. Like as humans we get old suffer die all the time, right? What horror! Betrayal and such, etc, but meditation tho…really softens it. For example, here’s an example of my inner dialogue:

“I want to be successful! Gawd Im lame. Im gonna die. Im gonna go bald. Im gonna break bones and be feable. Shit this inner dialogue suxxx. Why don’t I just count some breaths. Breath in….Breath out….one… Breath in….Breath out….two…. Breath in….Breath out….three.”

Horror softened.

19) Booze -> spices up the horror

In the sense that ya know like even tho you can die at any moment life still can be boring. So why not booze it up to see what happens. Booze is that spice. As its affects are varied. Drink too little maybe it will just make you tired. Brink just enough to get a nice buzz you will feel great! Drink to the brink of blacking out, maybe you’ll be super sad or maybe you will be outrageously euphoric. Variety ya know it’s the…

20) Weed -> Coma and Fog 4 the horror

Yeah I mean weed comas are a think and when you smoke errday a foglike coma can ensue, but much productivity can come from it sooo ya never know really. Also, weed can just make you chill and really not that foggy if you can keep it really moderate, so maybe im being a bit to harsh on the 420.

21) LSD -> in the chilliest situation it could lead to serious insight…bra.

For real tho, don’t let me get into my zone on LSD it could just be too much deep sacred activity.

22) Endlessly Release Repeat (ERR w/ the Maximization of Beauty)

I can’t even say yo…but if I was to say…I’d release your beauty like a butterfly fluttering fragile its death so certain. Then repeat that same beauty repeating endlessly like those flapping wings.

That’s to say that there are moments in time that just do that in our hearts anyways. There are people that just do that in our hearts everytime we see them. Let the weight of that beauty crush you…again and again.

23) Fucking High School Errwhere

For real tho…that high school mentality its everywhere…you cant escape it! This point may seem kinda basic at first, but think about it…Obama acting like a lil high school brat… the Dalai Llama acting like a freshmen. Get it? That shit is pervasive. The human condition is rattled with pettiness.

24) 5/2_/15 – Another time

That is to say: “I’m not writing this shit like everyday. It takes a lot of motivation to keep it up. Sometimes I put it down for a long time. Do people care about their own ideas?”

I’d love to read other people’s ideas :/

25) Dream: Swimming to the Statue of Liberty

Yeah that was a dream. Wouldn’t that be gross tho? I do liket the feeling of grossness and the gentle current of the Hudson and some nasty idea of what the smell or taste of the water could be like. EWWWWWW. So gross yet so full of energy. The shock to the senses would be so enormous.

26) Dreams – Live Porn

Cant remember this dream. No idea. Maybe like streaming live porn. Maybe like people doing it at like a shitty dive bar. You choose. Either way…who doesn’t like hearing about weird dreams?

27) Reset Percentage

I love this idea. Its that we can find a base level. Its that we can recover. Its that no matter how shitty life is, there are things we can do to make up for the trauma we endure. Its that we can feel our stress and feel our bodies trying to battle that stress.

The basic idea is that at any given time we feel like we are in that like new feeling to a certain percentage. For example, if you are feeling totally refreshed and at your best you feel 100% reset.

28) Title for this: “42 points of Ideals and Terrors” or “Another 42 Ideas that I Struggle to Make Happen or That I Struggle to Make Not Happen”           

29) Experiment with What satisfies

Like 4 example

Haikus – a great way to think


30) Check in as Much as you can

Check to see if you are aware of what ever is buzzing in that cute brain of yours. Why? In the brain, you have senses tingling and thoughts firing, which is the real energy of life.

31) The Joy of Sacrifice (4 LBA)

Sacrificing things is really just adding other things, but doesn’t feel good to stop doing something so you can increase the love you have for someone in such a solid way. Real sacrifice leading to an increase in real love to the degree that it seems  to have scientific causality (ie science would be like, “yo Adam you gonna love the shit out of LBA if you sacrifice all these things that occupy  yo time when you could be putting in that time to increase love, beauty, harmony, positivity, real feelings that make life worthwhile, and end the cycle of bullshit that seems to flow into your life, fo real, this is science talking to you, looking you dead in the eye, straight up, not lying, and you know that, cause Im fucking science bitch and a female so I can use the term bitch.”

32) No Phone – Feeling Freer

Not sure…maybe I was in Canada….Maybe I was on a plaaaane…Maybe I was on a silent meditation retreat…maybe I had to poo and couldn’t wait to find my phone…

Either way… Sensing freedom is pretty sweet. Being like “damn Im feeling free as fuck right now that Ive been blind folded, hands tied, and dropped off naked in the woods WITHOUT A PHONE. OMG NO PHONE! Having no phone in woods is really the thing that makes me feel free, not this new lease on life this psychotic ax murderer has given me by abandoning me here…for real…No phone woOOOOo!”


Like be humble say sorry and then shut up for once in your life Adam…GAWD!

34) Working on Relationships

Like the ASAP Ferg song “Work” saying “puttin in WORK…Dayum she pop that pussy ,

But for real yo…relationships of all types take a bit of work. Whether its just checking in and saying hey or if its just trying to suck less…sometimes you gotta do stuff you might not want to just to keep a relationship strong.

35) Root out Negativity

Like Missy Elliot says “ Let me search it, put my thing down flip it and reverse it.”

To root out negativity you gotta search for it in one way then put your thing down flip it and reverse it to really find that source of negativity and root it out…like really root it out.

36) Honour Vs Pity (Neech)

Honor vs Pity. An idea brought up by Nietzsche, which states that pity is more on the end of useless and honour is more on the end of useful because honor comes from respect for someone whereas pity comes from viewing negativity associated with a person. So for me this is a bit of a tough concept to always understand because I imagine examples of the homeless (ie if you give someone money is that out of pity always??? I don’t think so because you just see that they have a lot of qualities you respect in them and give them some cash out of hope for that better side winning out, right?)

37) Vanity – Totally fucking you over?

Does being a vain ass lil bitty always fuck you over? Im not even sure?

38) 2 feel (love) – Draw (Love) – Be Think Speak Touch Breath Eat (Love)

Hoping to feel that thing people tend to view really highly (aka Love)...Then

39) X, Y Line Graph 4 All Things

Like for example on the y line going vertical we got fun and on the x going we got productive. So like id probably rank higher in fun than productive where as like book nerd Marcus is prolly a bit higher in Productivity. Hmmm there other ones too tho.

40) Re-Prioritize – Are those Ducks really in a row?

Like watch yourself evolve into a youuu that is twice as gooood when you get those ducks rolling straight thruuuuu.

41) Makers of Ideas and Things = Thumbs Up = Lets Hang

Damn I need some more of yall in my friend zone yee makers of ideas and things.

42) Pick 3: 1) Supportive 2) Fun 3)Smart 4) Kinky = My Ideal Lover

Fo real….a lover that has any of those 3 characteristics is ideal.  REALLY REALLY Fun Sex is great. Supportive Sex…crying the whole time telling each other you love each other…mmmm…saying words that shatter each others worlds as you make love…yessss…..and ya know dirty kinky sex, why not?






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